Keep Up With My Love
by nonbinaryunicorns
Summary: Remus tells Sirius he loves too hard, and Sirius doesn't know to fix it. (Based off of "Keep Up With My Love" by Carrie Hope Fletcher) ONE-SHOT, THIS WILL NOT BE UPDATED


There were days when Remus thought that maybe Sirius loved him a little _too_ much. It wasn't like he didn't love the other boy, he loved Sirius with his entire being, but Sirius just...loved too hard. And it almost felt a bit empty.

Of course, when Remus finally told Sirius this, only mentioning it as an offhand comment, he was crushed. After all, how could loving someone too much not be enough? He just didn't understand. Furthermore, Remus had told Sirius this just a week before the end of term, so now Sirius was lying in his bed at Grimmauld Place, staring at the ceiling with a vacant expression.

Remus had assured him over and over that he loved Sirius, but maybe Sirius could just tone it down a little? He had acted as if it was a competition, and he was losing, so he wanted Sirius to throw it so he could win.

But Sirius didn't even know what he had meant by saying that Sirius loved him too much. He wasn't clingy, he didn't get jealous, he didn't constantly pine after Remus. He just...loved him. Occasionally, they'd go out on a date, and Sirius would insist on paying, saying that he could spare the money, and then they'd go sneak off to a cave that Sirius had found in third year.

Most nights at Hogwarts consisted of them snuggled together in an armchair in front of the fire, Sirius playing with Remus' hair as he read, Sirius staring into the fire half asleep until Remus dragged him up to bed, where they'd curl up in one of their beds and pass out curled up in a ball of teenage boy.

Sirius rolled over, still trying to figure out how he might have gone too far. Maybe he was too affectionate? But no, Remus usually initiated the affection, Sirius was usually content for them to just lay together quietly, Remus was always the one that wanted to be cuddled as they laid there.

Maybe his love was just too quiet. Sirius sighed into his pillow as he buried his face in it. Sirius' love was quietly intense, he knew that. James always made fun of him for looking at Remus as if he himself hung the stars every night.

But Sirius couldn't help it. He wasn't very good at vocalising his feelings beyond the simplest "I love you," but that wasn't strong enough. So he relied on his body language and expressions for that.

Sirius entertained the thought of trying to maybe try to speak a little more. He spoke plenty with others, but when it was just he and Remus, alone, he preferred to just stay silent, not wanting to ruin the precious moments with his boyfriend that could be torn away at any moment by the war waging around them.

Maybe he should start making up words to try and explain himself to Remus, so he wasn't so...stifling.

Sirius stuffed his head under his pillow, hearing nothing but white noise that didn't exist. Maybe he could...fall a little bit _out_ of love with Remus?

He snorted, throwing his pillow across the room. What a ridiculous idea. Sirius didn't ever see himself without the bookworm of a werewolf. Which was probably the issue.

In all of Sirius' ideas and plans, Remus was always there. Every time James joked about the two being married, Sirius' heart swelled up and images of what it could be like raced through his head. Once, late at night, he had described these thoughts to Remus, who was half asleep and only said that it'd be a nice wedding so long as Sirius remembered his vows. Sirius had swatted his shoulder and then promptly fallen asleep.

Sirius dragged himself out of bed, crossing the room to sit in the stiff chair at his desk, pulling out a piece of parchment and some ink, tiredly beginning to write.

 _Moony-_

 _I've been thinking about what you said to me ever since the words left your mouth. But I don't think I can change it. I love you, and that's it, plain and simple. I can't help the way that I show you love, and I'm sorry that it's too much for you and you can't keep up with it. If I were to try and love you less (which would be the only way I could change how I act towards you), it'd be physically painful, and I just don't think I could do it. I'm sorry, but I won't change myself for you. And if that's a deal breaker for you, then I've had fun while this has lasted, and I wish I wasn't too much and not enough at the same time. If not, you're a prick for having me stay up at night for a month thinking about something that doesn't matter, and I love you._

 _Forever and Always,_

 _Padfoot_

Sirius stuffed the letter into an envelope, handing it to his owl and then promptly falling asleep right on his desk.

He woke up with a stiff back and a letter from Remus.


End file.
